Tuesday, July 14, 2009

High and low, near and far

Friday night L. and I danced in the sky. The 46th floor of the Hilton, that is. Because L. and I are on a quest. The quest to find true love, career satisfaction and full self acceptance at last. So of course a place pervaded with deafening music, alcohol and misleading darkness, not to mention the alarming number of men who think an acceptance to dance is the same as saying yes a casual f--- (hello, some respect, please) yes, this is the sort of place we go to every week hoping to make a meaningful connection with the ones we might have been fated to be with. No, not really. It's just fun, occasionally flattering (occasionally not) and it keeps us in the habit of staying open to possibilities. So that when we are standing in line for coffee and the guy in front of us looks promising we will, by force of habit, flirt for God's sake. Instead of doing what we've been doing the last few years. Playing it safe. Somehow licking our wounded, bleeding hearts had become playing it safe. But no more! Because, like I said, we are on a quest.
This photo (Grand St., Alameda) reminds me of my rather forlorn Fourth of July. I took this photo during a group hike in San Bruno last Thursday. With the fog turning the trees into enchanted tree spirits and the strong wind causing a sad and eerie moan all around us, I was relieved to get to the other side of this high hill to see this... the mighty gorgeous Pacific. Alameda again, a near half moon and a far away full moon. Isn't that neat? Alameda, yet again, a bird bath down the street from where I live. The real bird suddenly taking the same shape as his stone neighbors just took my breath away. A moment later it was standing on one of their heads.

The writing (in my imagination, anyway) is going well. I was in a cafe Sunday meaning to make a good start. I had my laptop, my coffee, everything just so. On pleasant afternoons I love working in cafes. Somehow, all the activity around me makes it easier to narrow my focus. (Mornings, as I slowly wake up, I prefer the comfort and quiet of home.) But this afternoon I just sat there staring at the screen. After a while I typed out a few words which I knew I'd later delete just so I wouldn't feel so idle. The trouble was even though I could see and hear the whole story more or less, including the ending, the beginning still eluded me. And I need, or I prefer, starting with beginnings. So, I worked on some sketches instead. Then, wouldn't you know it, I was walking to my car and the story's beginning suddenly played out in full.

Stories, I guess, are like potential future husbands. Easier to find when I'm not looking for them.

26 comments:

  1. I LOVE your San Bruno photo and can totally relate to not being able to write when you want to or set out to.

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  2. Cheryl, I absolutely love your photo of the trees in the fog. What a magical image! As for finding the man in your life, you have already summed it up perfectly ... easier to find when you're not looking! Still, there's no harm having fun along the way. :-) And, the story writing will unfold just beautifully in its own time too. Have fun! Much love ... xx

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  3. can i join u on your quest???

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  4. So true, everything good always happens when you're not looking for it. My blog story is the very proof of it. On the opther hand, men don't just drop onto your doorstep (well not always anyway) so sometimes you have to go out of your way a bit ;-)

    Ps. Love the bird bath picture.x

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  5. Sorry, my spelling is terrible today - I'm exhausted from the last few days' activity.xx

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  6. All the photos are terrific, but I have to say the San Bruno and the real bird among the stone birds are my faves. I suppose it's possible to find true love in a bar, but not likely. I like to think you'll meet yours in than cafe. ;-)

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  7. darling that poem you like on my blog you can watch it here:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V08Mt35MSis

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  8. Wonderful! I knew you'd find a voice for them! Such fun pictures... and possibilities! Love the possibilities...

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  9. Thanks Little Ms Blogger, the words in one's head can get frustratingly elusive. But I later realized my difficulty starting was because the story was still taking shape. I guess if I;d written anything it would have been rewritten later on. But still, writing anything does get the words flowing.

    Hi Carole Anne! That photo does look like some far away, enchanted world doesn't it? I wish I could have taken some good audio too while I was there. The sound was otherwoldly.

    And stories and men...so true...the less I try, the more I stay true to myself, the more things unfold just as they should. Love to you too, Cheryl

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  10. Hi Awesome Sarah, of course! And I have a feeling we are both helping each other, somehow, on our mutual life quests. So much more fun with company.

    Hi Helena, no spelling worries! I'm just glad you stopped by. Yes, I have to get myself out there more. Though I have heard at least one story of a woman's future husband showing up at her doorstep (he was there to fix something). But I'm not taking that chance, no way! And thanks, I love that photo too! I love capturing once in a fleeting moments like that.

    Hi Elizabeth, thanks, seems they're everyone's favorites, including mine! I'm glad because I thought they might be too boring to include (a bird bath and some trees? why?).

    You know, I think I will too. Or at least that's my gut feeling. I'm far more my true self in such places. And in bars, having a conversation means shouting myself hoarse. Not the ideal way to get to know someone.

    Hi Awesome Sarah, I saw that! But it didn't really register (pre-coffee). Will check it out, thanks!

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  11. I am so behind you on this quest! I wish I was there, what a cool place to hang out on a Friday night. I would have a ball ... so jealous.

    Cafes are cool places to write - that's where JK Rowling began her Harry Potter series. When I lived in Edinburgh I did go to cafes and write - that was the thing to do there as Edinburgh is a bookish city. Now I live in Dundee, a blue collar city and If I even read a book, in a cafe, people gawk - seriously. Not pleasant.

    I like bird bath pic. I tried enticing pigeons to perform in my photos once but impossible ... I gave up. :)

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  12. The people that you truly find yourself caring about are always the ones who just fall into your lap unexpectedly. Also I look forward to reading your stories someday, I'm sure it's going just as well as it is in your imagination!

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  13. Thanks Shanster! I really appreciate your faith in me. That means a lot. Now if I can stop being so hard on myself...

    And thanks for appreciating my photos too! It's a hobby that also keeps me in the habit of staying open. never know what I might find around the bend. Wonderful things....

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  14. i like your quest to find true love, career satisfaction and full self acceptance. i think i'm on the same quest.

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  15. Hi Sharon, thanks! A fellow quester, maybe we should start our own order. Ladies of the Life Fulfilment, or some such title, Order. But it was fun, I must say. The men there - gorgeous! But very, very aggressive. At least the ones I danced with. Must get better at approaching the sweet looking men. And it was a nice place to lose oneself in some good music for a while. But Scotland sounds plenty exotic to me right now. I can imagine the sort of cozy cafes they must have in Edinburgh. But I can't believe they stare at you if you read a book in the cafes where you live! What are they for then? I say read in them anyway! Artists are supposed to be a bit odd.

    Hi Feist, so true. In fact I ran into a remarkably nice guy at the Starbuck's I was trying to write in Sunday. A perfect guy...for L. I even got his number for her. Now I'm trying to decide whether to just give her the number or arrange some sort of accidental date. Oh, hey F. You're here too? Have you met my friend L.?

    And thanks, I'll post them as they pop out of my head, with some editing of course.

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  16. Hi Drollgirl, a fellow quester! Strength, support, and plenty of encouragement in numbers...

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  17. I am on the same quest .....

    Believe in the ending ...the fairytale ...the romance and take small actions ...as you are doing like flirting and then leave the rest to the Universe.

    Let go let God. xxx

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  18. Bon voyage on your quest ladies. i hope your new found courage takes you many lovely places and helps you discover a part of yourself that you didn't know existed! Have fun!

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  19. There seem to many questers around, reading the comments! Aren't we all, all the time, more or less?

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  20. Best of luck on your quests – all of them...
    And finding those stories within you is a bit like finding a husband – they appear when you least expect it!

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  21. That photo of San Bruno is hauntingly gorgeous. I love the image of you dancing in the sky as you are searching for true love, career satisfaction and full self acceptance. I am sure you will find all of those things but likely not at a Hilton.;-)
    xo

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  22. Hi Sara Lulu, Yet, Peter, Beth and La Belette Rouge, thank you for all your encouragement and very wise words. Sorry for the mass response but I feel sometimes I write the same thing over and over again and not in the most interesting of ways. (And I also use to many !!! - must practice finding the right words which express the same idea and feeling.) So I'm imagining we're all sitting at the same table and I can respond to one and also to all. The thing that struck out most was Peter's comment about all of us being on a quest. Absolutely true, we all want to achieve our goals and enjoy our lives to the best of our abilities. But what I meant was a specific (and apparently common) vantage point, that of being a single woman trying to find love and advance in their careers while also trying to become their own best selves in spite of obstacles and fears.
    Also, you (La Belette Rouge) are probably right about the Hilton, judging from my experience there. But it was worth the experience ($20 to get in, $8 - $12 dollar drinks) for the view. You are also right, I will (!!!) find all those things and I (probably) don't have to go out of my way to find them. Though going out of my way can be lot so fun. If expensive.

    Thanks again, all.

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  23. I have always found I do some of my best writing sitting in a coffee shop or places where people and white noise exist. To sit in my quiet writing room is effective sometimes, but more often than not it's the chaos of everyday life that I find inspiring and leads to new words and thoughts. Keep the effort going. Your photos are fantastic.

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  24. This entry cracked me up! You are a fun writer to read. Interesting that you had all the elements of the story but the beginning. I think most of the time (at least for me) it's the other way around. How to end is the question!

    Oh, and thanks for adding me to your blog roll. I'm flattered!

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  25. the photo of the skyline is amazing! love your documentation!

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  26. I know what you mean. My quest is to find career satisfaction, to have more fun because I have spent too much time studying this year. And to finally let the wild girl inside me out.

    Nice pictures! I especially like the San Bruno picture. Very captivating.

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