Monday, February 23, 2009

My intention experiment - How I react to good news about former classmates - Hooray le Marais

Feb. 21, 2009

As I write I wonder who's going to read this. I've been journaling nearly every day of my life and the thought of someone rifling through my private entries is not an enjoyable thing to imagine. Of course this blog will not be as free flowing as my journalings. Though I may include embarrassing or juicy stuff now and then just so I can laugh to myself about it. But, being a somewhat private person, I'll also worry that I'll come to regret my more thoughtless posts in case one of my right wing family members finds this or I become famous and may then be asked to explain something I once did/said/thought.

So I'm going to think of this as an interesting intention experiment. I intend for this Internet opportunity to do nothing but good things for me (and others) such as:

1. Connect me with creative/sympathetic people who may or may not prove helpful in my creative career.
2. Enable me to help/entertain a stranger or two thereby increasing my overall positive karma.

Now onto other things. I got a lot done today. Moreover, I didn't feel a single negative emotion. Except for when I thought about my need to exercise and my mother who works in real estate. Knock on wood, right now the major areas in my life--work, friends, family, love life, etc.---are all moving forward in a positive direction. I just signed up with a really great creative agency who I know will work hard to promote my work, I recently participated in a gallery show (in NYC), have two more shows scheduled (in CA) and four I'm considering (issues of shipping costs, scheduling), another gallery wants to represent me, my social and dating life is harmonious, busy and getting busier, etc.

Still, it was too bad I happened upon news of a former classmate of mine yesterday that prompted me to compare my career progress to his. This a few days after good news from another former classmate. The ironic thing is...never mind the ironic thing. It puts an unpleasant sensation in certain areas of my body. Not the stomach burning not fair feeling spewing toxicity into the world. More like the uncomfortable, reflective, okay what could I have done differently? What can I do now? Because they're great, great guys who deserve all the success and happiness that comes their way. But, they also have what I want and for a while there it was difficult to resist sliding down that dark and scary tunnel of negative thoughts and emotions which we artists can be all too vulnerable to.

Thank goodness a really good burger and a beer with a buddy of mine made me forget all that. She noticed I'd lost a few pounds and told me my skin looked really good (Strivectin, worth every penny). I told her likewise (many pounds, amazing, way to go L.) as well as the plans I'm hatching for my next birthday. Because it's on New Years Eve, I usually have nothing more than a modest celebration. But the next one being a (traumatic) milestone I'm renting an apartment in Paris, filling it with close family and friends (including, of course, her) and will have the best birthday ever. Then, we'll either rent a car or take a train down south where we'll continue celebrating life and the anniversary of my birth. Who wouldn't look forward to that? I wish it was tomorrow.

Lesson learned: yes, we artists can be easily upset. And depending on our level of personal growth and/or current life situation nothing can upset us more than good news concerning former classmates. To get over it, replace their good news with your own. Also, remember that periods of self doubt, envy and regret, though unpleasant to experience, are the rocky soil which feeds an artist's creativity which can't be a bad thing.
In short: negative thoughts; pain = a better artist.

Feb. 24, 2009

I'd made plans to see a matinee with my friend V. Sunday. Waking up at noon (Gravity Bar, Atmosphere Lounge, underground party, literally, at Caffeine, home 3am or so), I called her first thing to confess I was still in my pajamas and likely to stay in them all day. She admitted she was likewise pajama'd and agreed we should spend this rainy day homebound. We talked a while. Then I dove into the all important quest of finding the perfect apartment rental in Paris. So far these two, both located in the Marais (hooray le Marais) are my top choices. ...

I'd clicked through the many dozens of properties that fit my criteria, imagining myself walking around each one, trying out the couches, the dining room tables, les toilettes et les douches, and it was these choices I kept coming back to. Those are the couches I want to wake up on after a night cafe hopping. Those the windows I want to look through each morning. Those apartments, one or the other, ten months from now. Not that I can afford to book either of them at the moment. But the more I dream it the more that Parisian reality will take shape in the ether, right?

A psychic told me a few years ago that in a former lifetime I was an architect with a wife and three children living in northern Paris (Montmartre?) during the time of Toulouse Lautrec. More on that later perhaps but I wonder how that life played out. It must have been a happy one. He also told me what street some of my creations still stood. I have to see them. Though it's a strange, strange idea going to see something I created in a former life. But what the hey.

This evening I went for a walk (in the rain) and a coffee with my friend L. who was bummed out about a guy who may or may not call back. I reminded her we were going to Paris. That cheered her up.

Lesson learned: When given the choice between dwelling on romantic troubles and Paris, choose Paris.
In short: choose Paris.

Feb 25
Oh my gosh, just found this on, a renovated artist's studio in the 11th district...

I think this is my new favorite.


  1. Can't say I'll ever be much help in the literary department, but the entry definitely did entertain me. And I think we all get that way around former colleagues who've done right :)

  2. Fun! A web site dedicated to Parisian apartments. While I have stayed in many, none of them compare to those post on the site.

  3. Hello Cheryl,

    I just love the Parisian artist's studio! I think that's my favourite too! :-)



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