Monday, January 11, 2010

Beautiful new things

I fell in love with these shoes at first sight....
I wanted them. They had that artsy yet classic look I'm going for now. So the salesman needn't have said a word. But I let him go on anyway because I enjoyed his enthusiasm. He was so excited by these shoes!!! all designed by designer, Dan Sullivan! Only a hundred and fifty pairs exist of each shoe design! And only two boutiques in the world sell them! One here in New York! The other in London!!!

The toe part pinched somewhat, but a bit of breaking in, I told myself, should take care of it. Otherwise they seemed comfortable enough. And they were on sale. So I bought them. And didn't give them a proper trial run until this Saturday while running errands (all dressed up just for errands, I felt so Sex in the City!) but halfway to my car I began to wonder if I'd been fooled by desire. For one thing walking quickly was impossible. When I tried, I found myself holding my breath. Then one of the toes on my right foot began to feel numb.

How did I miss this? I wondered. Why did it feel so right then and yet is so obviously wrong now?

Because, you see, I've decided to chuck the mental junk no longer serving me. More gut impulses, less overthinking, less regret, more looking forward, less anxious effort, more going with the flow. So getting something as simple as the right pair of shoes wrong might, if I overthought it, send me into a spiral of self doubt. I could think, okay, this is why I grew into an overthinker in the first place. To save myself money and from disappointment. But I'm not going there. Some shoe inserts, a trip to the shoe repairer, and I'll be saying to myself, I knew it all along. These adorable, raspberry colored babies and I belong together.

One thing my gut has been telling me for awhile now is that I need a break from all the negative people in my life. That this is vital for me in order to move forward. But is also difficult when said people are close friends and family and have been, for the most part, the ones I socialize with the most. Even more difficult when I've already gone through a few breaks and relationship changes already. But I don't mean a complete break. Just a break for now, however long now turns out to be. And I don't mean negative as in they're awful people. I just mean, they're in a negative place at the moment and look, as a consequence, at the world this way while I need to look that way instead. They're in a different place than I am emotionally. And maybe this is a good thing, exactly what we need, a necessary phase for all of us to go through...each on our own...for a while then we can all come back together later on and talk about what we did while each of us were on our own and...maybe my urge to break away, my desire to run off to Paris or wherever is, in some part, a response to them.

So I went it sans usual company this weekend, and really liked it, because (thanks to I didn't feel alone. I had fun trying new things and going to new places. I went to the movies (Leap Year, predictable but fun), out for drinks and played dodgeball (whole lotta fun! can't wait to go again) with dozens of potential new friends. I even stayed home Saturday night to watch An American In Paris in my pajamas because it felt like the right thing to do.

But part of me can hear the worrywart voice warning me not to stray too far from familiar faces. Call them! Send them a text. So what if you end up feeling judged or blamed again? So what if they shoot eyeball daggers at you over the dinner table because you won't be dragged into that tired old argument? Who knows where this will lead? Everyone and everything I'm comfortable with right now could become another finished chapter in my past. And so I feel some sadness, some trepidation, but also a lot of enthusiasm and hope. I am ready for new things. I feel it down to the marrow of my being.

I'll let you know what happens.


  1. Just last year I made an oath to myself that I would never suffer another uncomfortable shoe or friendship. The shoes and friends that leave me limping, sore, depleted and filled with doubt. Unhappily, shoes are more easily repaired than friendships.
    Congratulations on your gorgeous new shoes and on your readiness for the new. I am excited for you!xoxo

  2. First, I WANT a pair of those shoes!!!!! They are adorable! And I LOVE your glass is half full mentality- a couple quick fixes and they'll be PERFECT...

    Love the parallel you drew with your relationships, too. I hope you can stay firm in your resolve to avoid the negative folks for awhile, try some new things, meet new people, and enjoy your alone time, too!

    Great post as usual... and now I need to start Googling those shoes!

  3. you must be blessed with small feet. i am certain of it.

    the shoe gods smiled upon you at birth and now you can actually fit (oh, alright, squeeeeeeeze) into INSANELY sexy shoes (like those gorgeous dollops of raspberry goodness you bought).

    me, i currently sport a women's 13W.

    yeah . . .

    smile on, sister.

  4. I think I summed up this post nicely in my neck of the woods. :)

  5. I am a shoeaholic. Those babies are snappy and I can see why you had to have them. As for people: I'm old now, so I toss the losers aside, I don't make time for the pain anymore. I'm seeking wonder, fun, chuckles, beauty, discovery, and most of all unconditional love.

  6. Do NOT let Doubting Thomas be your friend...every time you get brave daring and spontaneous ..he shows up with why aren't you more careful?!?

    Forget him.

    I love your raspberry shoes SO much ...even if you can only sit in them ...chatting to a brand new lover and you must slip on something else to walk. Only accept people who could accept this nutty part of you.

    Even IF the only thing you can do is have those shoes parked at your front door so you look stylish, elegant and chic that!


  7. `I am ready for new things!' ... I'm so excited for you, Cheryl, and I hope that life brings you lots of special moments and all that you wish for. Raise those positive vibes. It's the way to go. xx

  8. Those are truly the most fabulous shoes in the universe. I love your paragraph about"chucking the mental junk" - that is something I need to do more of.

    Keep us informed of all your new adventures. I need the brightness and inspriation at the moment.

  9. Hi La Belette Rouge, I remember your posts about your your tiresome friends! I've happily gotten rid of mine a while ago. But this situation is a lot more complicated....I think what's in order here is just a vacation away from certain explore my own life in my own way. Then whatever happens happens. I won't worry about it too much. xoxo

    Hi Maggie, exactly! Just some time away. I did feel kind of bummed out yesterday after writing the post, and realizing that one of the people I was alluding to had read my post (as I'd hoped and also feared she would). And yet I feel this is the right thing to do. I need a break from the hopelessness and misery of others. I've tried all year to help only to feel the negativity turn towards me. I need a break.

    And the shoe store is called Irregular Choice. I think you can order online.

    Hi Lana Banana, hee, hee, I do have small feet which I really should appreciate more. But being extra tiny in general (except maybe my ass and my round Asian melon head) I tend to take my feet for granted. Ah, none of us are perfect. Must go shoe shopping more...

    Hi De Campo, you did indeed. Thank you for that :)

  10. Hi Elizabeth, I agree, I'm more discerning about who I make friends with now. But I also have to allow that some people just go through very rough patches in their lives. Sometimes it's necessary to put some distance in certain situations but I don't want to shut the door completely. I don't know what'll happen but I trust that it'll be for the better.

    Hi Sarah Lulu, hee, hee, you know I did some household chores in those shoes yesterday, partly to get more used to them, but mostly for the joy of wearing them. And you're right, that voice shows up (in different guises, but all telling me to go two paces back) whenever I might break out of the usual, but life is short and I want no regrets.

    Hi Carol Anne, thank you dear friend, I am in a really good place right now (and not just because I had homemade scones with cream and jam for lunch. Mmm-good!!). I have to remember that and not rush back to the comfortable (which is increasingly not so comfortable any more). xx

    Hi Sophia, thanks, I so love my new shoes! And will love them all the more I've taken them to the shoe repairer's.

    And that's what we're all here for, to help and inspire each other. :)

  11. Absolutely a wonderful idea to minimize the impact of negatie people in your life, Cheryl!

  12. beautiful post!
    take care!
    no man is an island

  13. Hi Rick, I would change that sentiment to a wonderful idea to minimize negativity in your life. People go through ups and downs and sometimes you just fall out of sync with certain people from time to time. Thanks for the support!

    Hi Magiceye, no worries, I'm no island nor do I want to be!

  14. Those are some of the finest shoes I've ever seen. I bought some gorgeous metalic purple and green pumps in the early 80's. Sounds hideous now, but they were very cool at the time. Someday I may put them on the shelf so that I can admire them. Now my shoes are ultra comfortable, like hiking boots and tennis shoes with friends to match.
    Go for what feels right. Peace.

  15. Lovely shoes! But I sure do recognize the feeling of breaking in new shoes, even though they felt so good when you tried them on initially.;)
    Thank you so much for stopping by my place, I enjoyed your visit and your kind comment; you have a lovely blog.;)

  16. Hi Cheryl...I loved your post and your thoughts about your friends. It's like having a cup of coffee with you. I'm impressed with your go-forward attitude and meeting new people. It can be so refreshing and fantastic to get out of a rut and just do something new.

    Just promise me you won't play dodgeball in those new shoes. Which are gorgeous.

  17. This post spoke to me! I have made a conscious effort to get negative people out of my life. I tend on the side of negativity myself which I've been working to correct. Being around upbeat, happy people helps.

    Those shoes are not a bad purchase. Even if you don't end up wearing them, put them up somewhere in your place where you can just look at them as art. I did this with a pair of Fluevogs once. They cost me a fortune, so I just kept them on display for awhile before I even wore them. They made me smile every time I looked at them!

  18. HI Butternut Squash, those metallic purple and green pumps sound like something I'd really want. And comfortable shoes, comfortable friends, sounds perfect :)

    Hi Zuzana, and thanks for stopping by my blog!

    Hi Sallymandy, that's good, I sometimes fear I spill too much information in my posts. I've had a few challenges the last few days, but I'm still optimistic and hopeful. And I'm looking for sexy but comfy shoes just for dodgeball, never know who'll be there!

    Hi Maya, I'm so glad. I feel like I'm in a speeding car, sometimes, trying to describe the scenery. Writing here helps a lot.

    I have a lot of my own negativity to deal with. And a part of me thinks I should be able to let the negativity of others just flow right through me without it affecting me, like the dalai lama would do. But I'm not there yet, and there are times when stepping away for the time being is the wiser thing to do.

  19. The shoes really look nice! Don't give up. Some shoes need "walking in"! A new try (maybe for a short walk)!

  20. GAAAA! My link to your blog on my blog somehow froze you back in 2009?? hmm. I'd been checking and not seeing any new posts... sorry! Now I'm catching up.

    I hate when I buy new shoes and then once you begin walking in them, something is wrong. I don't know if it's you or the sneaky shoe designers! :) Yes, positivity and positive people can help!!


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