Thursday, July 30, 2009

It's done...

Or, more accurately, I'm done with this blasted painting.

And these sketches...
are from a group of drawings out of my sketchbook, finished in Photoshop, based on characters in this Terry Pratchett novel I've been listening to, these tiny, warlike fairy creatures called Feegles.

One of my Starbuck's sketches...
On another note, I was listening to this podcast and speaker what's his name, recounting a lesson he likes to give his students, said, If there was a button you could push to make it so that the person you can't stand the most suddenly becomes your best friend, would you push it? One would think, yes, of course, all hands up. But usually only a few out of forty or so of his students raise their hands to say yes.

And this made me think about a certain woman I still can't stand to be around. No, not the person I mentioned in the last post. She's funny and sweet and wonderful but also kinda not the best communicator of what she's really thinking or feeling which means she finds other ways to get her point across which can really hurt when you're not looking, like walking into a steel pole that wasn't there a moment ago. But I'd never say I can't stand her. No, I mean another woman who, in relation to me anyway, has revealed herself to be a microwave oven of awfulness, a porcupine of negativity. (Hey, I gotta get my word fix, give me a break.) Would I push the button to become comfy close with this person? Well, I wish I were Eckert Tolle's top pupil, I'm working on it, but for now I'm one of the thirty eight out of forty. If I could fix it that easily, I still wouldn't bother.

But the other woman? The funny but not the best communicator woman? I'm vacillating. I woke up the other morning and immediately the grief hit me, oh my God! V.! Am I really letting her go? Then this morning I read her most recent letter and got mad all over again. Then I heard that podcast and softened. Yes, I must speak with her! With true compassion and egoless love this time! How will I feel tomorrow? The same I hope. Or am I asking for more blame, more miscommunication? I'll give it a few days. Or weeks. If she and I are each other's true friend, then a bit of time off won't matter.

There's other things I keep vacillating about. I keep having this fantasy of just packing up and taking off somewhere...Seattle?...NYC? Somewhere where my dream job and my husband to be has been waiting all this time. Then I got another call yesterday, a possible animator's position at some start up here in SF. I'm both extremely hopeful but also thinking but what about Seattle! NYC! Chicago? If you're ever gonna fly the coup for places unfamiliar, before you're completely rooted to the earth here, now would be the time to do it. Because the two dreams I've been pursuing the last ten or so years has been to either work for Disney or Pixar or elsewhere equally awesome or to sell my paintings for thousands of dollars each. Since neither is happening at the moment, I'm feeling rather stuck. I'm longing to pull my feet out of the ground and fly off. Am I following the wrong dream?

I'll give it a day or two. At least until after the interview.

Oh no! One more thing! I've been meaning to do this for ages...This is an interesting custom. When I first noticed these award thingies on other blogs I had no idea where they got them from. Was there some blog award committee? Now I know. Okay, I dub...hmm, let's see, who doesn't already have one or both of these awards...oh, I'll just guess:

1. Helena Halme - - people, read her blog! Her How I came to be in England series will hook you from the first paragraph.
2. Elizabeth Bradley - - for her lovely short fiction, etc.
3. Maia's Into The Moonlight - - for her brilliant blog.
4. Mirth in Manchester - - for being so mirthful and nice.
5. An Officer and a Garbage Can - - for her warmth and sense of humor.
6. The world according to donut girl - - because I never know what I'll find there but I know it'll be witty/funny/interesting.
7. Shanster's Goats N More - - for her always hilarious, always sunny, occasionally touching anecdotes.
8. BooksEtc. - - because I love to read her blog...lame way to put it but gosh it's late...
9. Beth and Writing - - exquisite poetry.
10. A Writer's Journey - for showing me that being close to Eckert Tolle-hood is possible.
11. Meris's Vienna For Beginner's - - for her gorgeous images and poetry.

I was supposed to limit the list to ten (or was it five?) so I suppose I'm pushing it here already, (totally arbitrary rule, feel free to break it those of you awardees who want to pass it along) but I also want to add a 12. Everyone and anyone on my blog list who wants a blog award. We all deserve to be awarded. K, done.


  1. Cheryl ... First of all, thank you, my lovely, for mentioning my blog. It's an award simply knowing that I can bring some meaning or happiness or positive change to others, so I'm delighted. I love your latest artwork and it's always inspiring when you're in full creative mode. As for having an itch to move on, I'd say see what comes of the interview and then make your decision a few days after that. I always create a checklist before making any major decisions so that I feel more confident that I'm moving on with the right reasons. Courage and faith! Much love x

  2. Awww... Chreryl, thank you!!!
    I already have 'the one lovely blog award' but I always wanted that 'honest scrap' award :)
    Carol Anne Strange really has said it all.


    As for the button, I wouldn't push it. I can't like everybody and I'm definitely not a person who wants to have 100 best friends. One is enough :) My sister is having a similar problem like you are having with a good friend. She doesn't know if it's better to let go or try it once more. I'm really no help at all, because I can cut people (who suck and do more harm than good) out of my life without any difficulty. But you are right, a little time off is always a good idea. Some people are worth the hassle :) But the other person has to make more of an effort too because an onE sided friendship stinks.

    ps. I love your work and that Feegle looking up is adorable.

  3. Wow, Cheryl, you made my day, I am so happy with both awards, thank you, thank you!
    You really hold together several universes. Such an interesting monochromatic painting, the two figures in the foreground are mysterious, what are they thinking?, and the stage in the distance, is it a wedding, they could be dancers by Degas. Your sketches of the Feegles are great, you want to pick them up and play with them.
    I agree with you and one of your readers who wondered who wants to have 100 best friends?
    As for your dream of moving, you have to do what feels right. Since I was 16 I have changed countries and continents every 4 years, I always feel it in my bones when it is time to move on. However, am I happier than the person who stayed always in the same place? I have no idea.
    You have a fantastic blog, it must reflect you.

  4. I am in love with that second Feegle! And best of luck with the animator's position!

  5. I know what you mean about 'packing up and taking off,' I get this feeling, probably about once a week, minimum ... Seriously! lol

    I put it down to having an artsy mind that needs stimulated, like a junkie needs drugs.

    Those 'blasted' paintings and sketches are looking mighty great ... :) I especially like your sketch of Starbucks, because I prefer places to people.

  6. I popped over to take a look at the finished painting, which is so very lovely, and the Starbucks sketch is wonderful as well...and you mentioned my blog. Imagine my surprise. How very sweet. Thanks you so much! I was born in Seattle, so I am partial to the city. But I also love San Francisco. Would live in either city if that wouldn't put me too far away from my family. I think you should go for it while you're still young. Follow your heart. I started reading Eat, Pray, Love last night. I think it's so exciting to look for adventure and spread your wings in this life. Looking back I wish I had done that more. Thanks again, you are so talented. As they say, the world is your oyster.

  7. My first award. I am touched and delighted and would like to thank...OK, going over board now. Lots of love Cheryl xx

  8. I love your painting, it's so Gabriel Garcia Marquez. Really moody and mystical.
    Congrats on your award. Congrats to all those who received it.
    I wouldn't push the button, if you have to work too hard to make a friend, it's maybe not worth it.
    Good luck with the interview!

  9. I LOVE YOUR STARBUCKS PIECE! I AM SHOUTING! I LOVE IT! i think it is beautiful! well done!!!

    p.s. i am racing out the door so i couldn't read the whole post. i am sorry for that! will come back later and read!

  10. Your painting looks very nice. It would be nice if you could post a link to a larger version of it. I feel like I'm missing something seeing it so small.

    And it would be cool to see you take those character sketches farther.

  11. Thank you for my blog award. So lovely of you.
    PS: I love your Starbucks picture


  12. Hi Carol Anne, thank you for your always much appreciated encouragement! It's Monday morning and I'm still waiting to hear back from them for an interview...

    Still, to take my mind off whether they'd call back or not I spent the weekend researching better ways to job hunt/write a resume/cover letter/ and reading the computer magazines to keep updated on the latest developments in the art programs I use most often like Photoshop and Flash.

    I'll definitely consider the pros and cons before I make any drastic changes. I'm the type though that deliberates and then acts instinctively. I feel some change coming. Just not sure what yet...

    Hi Dutch Donut Girl, thank you and your welcome! Yes, the seems, unless you are both completely in sync then conflict is inevitable. Esp. when you've known each other a while. I've always known communicating with her can be a challenge. But it's also one we can overcome if both of us are willing to try. I'll see. Still deliberating...

    Hi Celeste Maia, ah, you're welcome! Degas dancers! I like that. In the photo reference the priest's expression was quite different (he was smiling) but this didn't seem to fit. or maybe it would have but at the time I drew it this felt more tight. And, he, he, I'm glad you like the Feegles! I find them (the story characters) endearing and I wanted to convey that. But the 2nd is more successful than the 1st.

    The itch to move on...oh, feeling that in spades these days. How lucky you are to have moved every four years! I think you are living my dream life. But the ability to work from anywhere, the freedom to go where I like...I have that up to a point right now, but I'm craving more of it. More freedom, more life, but most especially more direction! The road I was following...I can't see where it's going anymore. Or I can't tell how long this tedious part of the journey goes on for. I guess I need to do a bit of life visioning again...

  13. I've never had an award before! I'm completely and totally clueless about them... you'll have to hold my hand. THANK-YOU!

    When I was reading about V. I thought about a session I had once where I was told we have circles around us - think solar system - and sometimes people are close to us in our little solar system and sometimes people move further out to planet Pluto. It doesn't mean those close to us will always be close and those far away will always be far away - our circles move and change and evolve as we and they do. So don't worry. V. might need some time in your Saturn circle - it doesn't mean she'll always be there.

    And what an interesting concept - about the button and could you be that person's best friend? I'd never thought about something like that. I'm going to have to mull that over.

    I LOVE your sketches!

    Maybe a start-up could network you into something bigger and better and into your dream! You just never know what the universe has in store for us!

  14. Hi Sophia, thank you, seems everyone's favorite Feegle! And thanks, gosh I hope they call! Or I will call them later today.

    Hi Sharon, yes, an artsy mind that needs stimulating. My problem exactly. Nothing for it though but to dive back in again...

    And thanks for liking my cafe sketch! I never know which piece will appeal to people more. That one took maybe 20 minutes to do. Another 10 in photoshop. The painting, despite my overoptimistic calculations, took weeks to finish. Yikes.

    Thank you Elizabeth! A very good reminder, the world is my oyster. I have to remember to stop looking back, to stop looking to the outside world for validation when all I can and should do is focus on the journey, the process, the work I love. And I have to stop hesitating every time I get the urge to make a leap into the unknown!!! I do love SF, but I wish I felt as willing to spend my entire life here as other people are. I think because I'm just too familiar with it. And there's far too many places in this world to see. I want to see and experience everything. Everything!!!

    Thank you and your welcome Helena! Lots of love to you too!

    Hi Dedene, ooooo! Gabriel Garcie Marquez, moody and mystical!!! I so love you for saying that! And the strange this blog practice is, I wanted to hand one out to everyone on my blog list. I think everyone in time will have all of them sooner or later.

    Hard work in friendship...with some people who are less than a true friend underneath it all, yes...but some others, even while they're not behaving like a true friend at the moment...I can't help but think of my sister and I. If I'd never set my boundaries up with her and then been willing to call her later without ever mentioning our argument, we might have never reached the point we are now. Still, my sister was willing to let things go. Will my friend be willing to do that?

  15. Hi Drollgirl, THANK YOU! I really appreciate any and all praise! And no problemo, keeping up with each and every blog can be a challenge sometimes and should never keep you from your everyday life.

    Hi Chris, good suggestion, I'll post a better version on my web site soon. And you're right about the Feegles, these are adequate but I can take them further. They do appeal to me for some reason as a subject so I will definitely do more with them.

    Hi Sally, your welcome! And thanks! Wow, maybe I should spend less time instead of more with every piece I do! Thank you!

    Hi Shanster, I was clueless about them too. The only thing to do now is pass them on to 5 or 10 or however many people you wna to pass them on to. I have to say I felt pretty silly doing that. And guilty too! I wanted to put everyone on my blog list. But this didn't feel right either.

    Wow, I love your analogy. It makes so much sense! As much as V. and I are miscommunicating these days, I don't see myself walking away from her for good. But I do need some time away from her. Whenever I consider trying to communicate with her, I think, what's the point? I've been doing that for two years! That's long enough. Whatever is at the heart of this conflict, there are some profound misunderstandings going on. And with a possible new job around the corner - let me rephrase that - with a new job around the corner, either at the start up or some place else, I need to be kind to myself.

    And thank you for loving my sketches! Oh, I love hearing (or reading) that!

  16. OK, first of all I also have to get my creative word fix in -- "Aufowave" and "Negupine" are newly minted terms of mine. Their christenings are dedicated to you! How's that for creative energy bouncing!?
    I love this post and am in love with each of your creations... also reminded of the dual infatuation "A Work in Progress" has infused in me... your writing, and yes, your art! A double whammy.
    The first artwork captures me in wonder and is so rich... Your works like these make me feel as though I could step into them and be bathed in comfort and wonder.
    And your "sketches" of the Feegles just delight me, especially by the way you've colored and shaded them... they spur a deep creativity within me! That first one with the spear is pulling at me to make a tile of him (with your permission, of course). And the second with the bright green as a backdrop is energizing!
    And that Starbuck's sketch with the orange and blue washes just hits me in the heart, bursting energy up through my shoulders, enveloping my head and pushing out in all directions. No, I'm not on drugs! Inspiring art just does that to me! THANK YOU!
    There is so much more to say about this post, but you know how I can prattle on... best to leave now and return to spread the excitement out a bit. Besides, I see I have much catching up to do with past posts... Very exciting, indeed!

  17. Oh Cheryl, thank you thank you thank you. Sorry it took me so long to get over to your place, but I'm in the process of moving. Among all the hectic and irritating things I'm having to do nowadays, your thoughtfulness lifted my spirits more than you know.

    And your art work. Wow, what can I say. I wish I had just a thimble full of the talent you have. Those Feebles totally rock!!! Thanks again.

  18. I, like Sharon, get the urge to pull up and move to somewhere completely different on a weekly basis. Lately it's been France. A cute little place near the mountains and ocean. I know, I know, I already live in a cute little place near the mountains and the ocean, but what can I say. It's all about the change I suppose. I can see you in Seattle.

    Love the Starbucks sketch too.

  19. Thank you, Cheryl,
    that was so very sweet of you!
    I am sorry I have been around so little lately,
    too many the days where all I manage to do is throw up a blog and then run or sleep or pack my bag. ;-)

  20. Hey David, no problemo, do whatever you want with the little guy. If you do, I wouldn't mind if you sent me one...

    And thank you for appreciating my work so enthusiastically. It's an an artist needs to keep going sometimes. Ah, praise...thank you.

    And I'm glad I sparked your word creativity! Aufowave, negupine....oh, don't dedicate those words to me! Dedicate it to all the negupines and aufowaves out there. Of which I am not one of course.

    Hi Theresa, no worries! We all have days, or weeks, like that. If I tried to keep up every day with my blog, all the responses and visits, I'd get overwhelmed and burned out in no time.

    Thank you for appreciating my work!

    Hi Lianne, thanks!
    Yeah, I can see me in Seattle too. It's enough like SF to feel like home, but enough of a change to feel like an exciting new place. It is about the change, I think. It keeps one open and interested in the world outside, keeps me from getting bored and complacent. So many places to see....

    Hi Merisi, oh, don't even think about it. Our lives move at different paces but it's so nice to visit and catch up now and then.

  21. Thanks so much for the awards/mention. I love reading your blog, too.
    Just got home – will resume my place in the blogging world soon!

    Love your work!


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