Monday, June 1, 2009

I can't think of a title for this post. I have four hours until my flight to Seattle (am writing Friday for posting on Monday), have a list of things I must do before then, but I wanted to put a few, albeit rambling and hurried, thoughts down.

First of all, yeah! I am somewhere here today (Monday)...I have to repeat that it might not have been the wisest spur of the moment thing I could have chosen to do because now it'll be even more imperative that I find a job, any job, when I get back. I have looked forward to this trip and lost sleep over it too.

Second, I went to the beach side shrine last week and found this...Well, so much for the cultivation of my non-reactive, peaceful mind a la Tolle, Chopra, and all those other wise people. Some bastard stole the f---ing Bhuddha! I fumed. Then I did this loopty loop thing, remembering wise advice like, mind nothing that happens, today is absolutely today, yada yada, then fuming some more, then getting annoyed for getting angry, and then getting annoyed for getting annoyed. And so on. My monkey mind pictured tall, squeaky voiced kids fed up with new age-y parents who go on and on about karma, compassion and responsibility stealing him away so they can send him round, like that garden gnome in Amelie, to get facebooked in one poster crowded room after another. Or wannabe gangsters in wife beaters and hair nets, swiping him to sell on ebay. Or some dissatisfied and vaguely angry housewife who complains about poor people taking advantage of welfare even as she watches first run movies for free over the internet, 'borrowing' him to decorate her backyard shrine, the barbecue pit. And so on, you get the picture. What can I say, I am a work in progress...

A few days later I found the Buddha safe and sound...Whoever created this shrine, I realized, had taken him down to place a new bit of wisdom on his chest for the benefit of us judgmental, monkey minded folks. Thank you nameless, faceless people! I really need the help.

here is yet another challenge: reduce selfishness, have few desires. How? If I do that, how will I reach my goals? And yet Tolle says that it is by not desiring that I will reach my goals because to desire is to come from a place of need. And as an elephant cannot birth a giraffe (my own translation), happiness cannot come from that anxious place called need. But if I can do some Jedi mind trick on myself, believing I already have what I desire, then I will get what I desire. So now I desire to not desire. So I can escape my cage of misdirected longing and get everything I!

Third, and this is totally frivolous, but I saw Star Trek and Night At the Museum recently. And they got me thinking about string theory and the spiritual concept that every person is a universe unto his or herself and yet is also part of the one totality. I mean the things that happen in the Night at the Museum universe, preposterous in ours, make total sense for that reality. The same for the universe of Star Trek. Going further Star Trek shows universes within universes, entire lives played out simultaneously because of some small factor that divided one into two, and God knows how many more. There's Captain Kirk, in one universe, growing up fatherless and always getting into trouble. In another there is Captain Kirk, overachieving son of a proud father. Heartbreaking. And amazing that, according to string theory a choice can divide an entire universe into two! A woman can take a train. Or not take it. Boom, two parallel worlds. No wonder some of us have so much trouble making up our minds.

And this made me think, and feel somewhat existentially depressed, about how another me might be out there living an entirely different, and quite possibly more fulfilling life. One me might have married that really nice guy the me here wasn't mature enough to appreciate. Another me might have gone to vet school instead or finished that novel she started four years ago, or gotten into Pixar when it was still a start up, or gone to The School of Visual Arts in NYC as once planned, and then...and then...

Why am I going on about this, string theory, who cares? I have laundry, packing and errands to do. So, I'll end with this thought: Yeah! I am somewhere here today (and yet I am also here writing this post)...because I have desired to visit this city for awhile. And I am (probably) happy, sunburned and full on donuts. Till next time...


  1. Hope you ate lots of fish in Seattle, that you went to the top of the Space Needle and visited everything you wanted to see.
    Don't fret about "what if". Your life will work itself out.

  2. You’ve got me totally confused – but intrigued – with this string theory.
    Need, desire, growth, paths not taken….
    We are indeed all a work in progress and the means to achieve progress often remains elusive.

  3. Your posts are always so thought-provoking, Cheryl, and I so relate to what's on your mind.

    Let all thoughts go for a while, and simply enjoy the moment. That's often where I find my answers. :-)

    Have a wonderful time in Seattle. Wishing you much love and serenity. xx

  4. As a person who has always been goal driven and have achieved a lot of them I can tell you that my new place of not having a long list of goals that is feels pretty blah not to have them. I miss them. I miss how they gave me energy and libido to move forward. I still have a few goals still but for the most part I don't believe I can achieve them.

    My He-weasel is forever talking about the physics of every potential possibility could be existing in other universes. I always ask him why couldn't we be living in the one where everything worked out the way we want. He has no answers.;-)

    I hope Seattle is a universe of fulfillment for you.xo

  5. Sunburned and full on donuts...Honey you are proof that all can be right in the world.

  6. Have fun in Seattle! And don't worry, if there are other yous out there with better lives, rest assured that there are no doubt other yous out there with worse lives, too. So just remember, things are not always as bad as you think and could always be worse than they are! I'm not sure if that qualifies as a glass half full or half empty philosophy, but I choose to believe it's a positive outlook.

  7. oh seattle. i have always wanted to go.

  8. Just enjoy Seattle and its beautiful surroundings... forget your worries! Maybe you will find the answer to many questions during your trip! Carpe diem!!

  9. Wow - that is quite a post! I'm glad no one stole the budda. You are more evolved than me if you have a monkey brain cuz I have a hamster on a wheel for my brain!

    maybe not desiring things means material things and desiring to be all you can be is o.k.?

    I haven't seen StarTrek yet but I like to think of an alternate me living in some completely different way - it sorta makes me smile. I've imagined it since I read some book where the character could see his alternate lives... tho' I have no recollection of the author or the book and it was several several years ago!

  10. Hello again, Cheryl... I hope you had a wonderful time in Space City... it looks like a part of Disneyland, but in a much more magnificent way.

    Manifest Plainness... In my opinion, it means being humble. The emphasis here on "being." Glowing from within, connecting to others and the universe on a natural wavelength. We are meant to create beauty, which can only come through nature.

    Embrace simplicity -- In my experience, the more simple I keep a process, the more efficient I become.

    Reduce selfishness -- The way I see it, this is all about producing energy and limiting the waste of it. Finding ways to see past my own (naturally growing, many like weeds) dogmas is key. If I can see past my own prejudices long enough to be at peace with the other person or people, or even a situation that is confusing to me, the less my ego kicks in and burns fuel like a revving engine, and the more compassion (energy) that is generated (which tends to naturally weed-out destructive dogma).

    Have few desires -- I don’t think this means less goals. I think it means few goals for each season. Too many desires at any one time tend to dilute each other, using up too much energy for too little result.

    Once again, you’ve made me think, which helps me redefine my own philosophy and keeps my own life in perspective. Thanks, and I hope you’re doing well…


  11. "And it's broken in churches and schools and moulded into middle class circumstance; and we were rolling, rolling, rock and rolling" (Joni Mitchell:"On France they kiss on mainstreet" 1976. Aye, us Celts knew more than any o' these jokers, esp. that lazy fat bastard Buddha. "Get into homeur, get into the bon homeur" (Steve Hillage and Miquette Giraudy: System 7 : "System 7" Vigin Records 1991.
    Chopra? Wanker! un masteurbator, le tosseur! Mon Dieu, mon cher!

  12. Love the photos! Thanks for sharing :-)

  13. thanks for commenting on my blog! I hope you have fun on your little vacation (and find a GOOD job whenyou get back...)


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