Monday, June 8, 2009

I'm back

Well, actually I got back a few days ago, but after five and a half days away from the familiar, and having enjoyed every minute of it, even the two nights of insomnia (because at least I was sleepless in Seattle, ha, ha. Well, not really ha, ha but had to get that one over with anyway) I wasn't too eager to return to the old routine except to try to catch up with some of you folks before my post vacay mind forced me to give up. Had we met in person I would have just sat there in contented calmness, sipping my coffee, nodding now and then and not making much sense when I speak. Ahhh, vacation....

It had taken months to slip into the hyper, uncentered state I was in before I left. Boredom, the daily search for work, and the not selling of work, kept chipping away at my natural love of life making me vulnerable to feeling unwanted and useless. After a while reminding myself I have unique and valuable skills which took years and a small fortune to acquire meant nothing because on a primal level (despite an entrepreneurial mother willing to pay top $ for minding the phones and other such menial tasks. Thanks Mom!) I sensed my very survival was at stake. A hard winter might be coming and my stores are nearly depleted. Besides that it's like suffering from unrequited love. I love art. I have committed myself to the creating of it. So why, for goodness sake, could it not love me back just a little bit more?

On the other end of the job spectrum there is my perpetually overworked friend L. feeling trapped in a job she neither enjoys nor sees any point in. She knows something is wrong, something is off. But she doesn't know what to do about it.

So we escaped to Seattle to get away from what had become the dreaded normal. We were untethered, wandering here or there, eating here or there, continually amazed by new sights and sounds and not wanting to miss anything. Tired souls on vacation.

And now we are home. I am sleeping well (knock on wood), have new paintings in the works which I'm very excited about, and am seeing some small movement on the career and gallery front, finally (knock on wood, encore). All, maybe, because I took a much needed break.

(P.S. vacation photos to come. - Who doesn't love other people's vacation photos?! - Should I include the one of me riding the electric bull? Hmm....)


  1. Welcome home, Cheryl! It sounds like Seattle did you the world of good. Sometimes, a change of scene and pace is healing. It's wonderful to hear that you're feeling inspired and positive. Sending much love and sparkling light as you move forward on your journey. xx

  2. Welcome back Cheryl... I was beginning to get worried... but I should know better than that. Glad you had a great time, and that it gave you a better perspective on things.
    Following your own path is very difficult at times, but that's the price of doing it (that primal thing can be ruthless!). I love that you're seeing possibilities on the horizon too.
    I'm so happy that your Mom is an entrepreneurial soul... my family comes from factory and corporate work that is all about being a perfectly fitting cog, eluding the stick (reprimand) and chasing the carrot (paycheck). I think it's alright to do the cog thing here and there ONLY if it's a means towards your REAL LIFE WORK! Having a dream and working towards it means giving juice to your soul and really being alive (experiencing pain at times is the price).

    Glad to see you back!
    Sending good energy your way...

    PS -- I DO want to see Seattle pics, and you DID have to slip in the sleepless thing (I would have)

  3. Hey Carol Ann and David, I am so glad to be able to read your responses first thing this morning. Nothing like hearing from friends who are sending me good energy on the morning before a job interview!!! I'm going to be tested for a concept artist position in SF later today. I am going to eat a good breakfast, then get there two hours early so I can walk off the jitters. Oh, I so want this! Love and gratitude in return, cheryl

  4. Welcome back! You sound restored and full of good ideas. I hope your interview goes well and you get the job you want. And gallery space, too! Your work is beautiful, and it should be out there for others to see.
    wishing you all good things!

  5. "The dreaded normal." I like that. ;)
    Gotta get away from that dreaded normal once in a awhile to rejuvenate the body and soul!

  6. Your vacation sounds like it gave you peace, calm,distance and inspiration. All that and lovely Seattle too. I can't wait to hear more about the paintings and the prospects!!!!

  7. Electric bull is a must see photo!! lol Glad you had a good time in Seattle, only about two and a half hours from where I live in close yet so far!! I am so glad you are living your bliss. It's sad when people don't. I was adamant at making that the most important message I got across to my child.

    Thanks for the belated bd wishes!!

    Hugs Giggles

  8. Hi Kirie, thank you and me too! Back now from the interview. Now all I can do is wait and see...ugh, hate this part.

    Hi Beth, yes, it did me a world of good. And L. too. It was like getting immersed in a good book or movie, or playing hooky as a kid. So ncie to get awway, sigh....wish I was still there.

  9. It did and it has, just hope it lasts, the interview thing didn't help (well, it will if I get the job of course!) but I was one eager puppy today. Now I'm strangely exhausted by it all and want to go to sleep. Ugh, wanting, wanting...Moer to come, I promise.

    Hi Giggles, oh, your welcome and I'm thinking about it! Though I might chicken out at the last minute, or photoshop a smiley face over myself and my spots of chubbiness. Too much ice cream and donuts!

  10. seattle! rejuvination! art! oh, i get you!

    i love art and work in the arts, but would much rather CREATE art than have to work for a living. bah! but i know it could be worse.

    i hope good things are in store for you, and soon!!!!!!!!

  11. gosh it sounded change of scenery did you a world of good. mybe i should try it. i'm glad you're back though, i actually did miss u.

    you're right, i should not get attacked to fabric as long as i have cats, especially this cat keiko she is a terror but she is so squishy and such a lovey cat.

  12. I have ALWAYS wanted to ride an electric bull! Man, am I jealous! Welcome home... glad you got away - can't wait to hear more about it!

  13. Hi Drollgirl, thanks! I hope so too. Following my creative path has not been easy at times. But the difficult times have forced me to try new things and to be more of a risk taker than I might have otherwise been. Had things gone exactly as planned after school I never would have taken up painting or writing. I guess it's life's way of showing me my true potential. Now all I have to do is stop arguing with myself.

    Hi Awesme Sarah, gee thanks! I've grown rather fond of you too! And a change of scenery definitely did do me a world of good. How nice it is to look at things from a new perspective! The other day when things were starting to get stressful again, I reminded myself of how at peace I felt in Seattle. Shit happens but life is still awesome. And when my mind refuses to agree with that there is always chocolate to set me right with the world.

    Hi Shanster, me too! L. and I probably would have earlier except in the SF bay area I've never even seen one before. But there it was in downtown Seattle, in this funky honky tonk type place with free peanuts and no cover. And it was free to ride the bull, so we had to try it! I told L. we would always regret it if we walk out of here without setting our asses on that thing so lets do it! So we did and we're glad. Yay.

  14. yay Seattle! thanks for you sweet comments about my photography!

  15. Hi Moorea Seal, your welcome, and thanks for stopping by!

  16. You put it so well - I'm pining for literature; why can't it love me back just a little too? A holiday is just the ticket at a point like that!

    I've never been to Seattle but my husband keeps telling me we should go. But doesn’t' it rain a lot? We have enough of wet sunshine here in the UK. Good luck with your new work, I loved the canvases you have on your web page.

    I've also been meaning to thank you for the follow - hope you're enjoying my blog.

  17. Hi Helena, oh, don't mention it! I love your thoughtful writing - your How I came to be in England post really sucked me in, I was so hoping for a happy ending with the sailor (fiance? what fiance?) but really related to how it turned out.

    You should definitely go to Seattle! Some of the locals told us they like for out of towners to believe it rains there all the time to keep people like us from overcrowding their city. I can understand that. Seattle is not only spectacularly beautiful, it's remarkably clean, well run and with good food and coffee to be found everywhere. It's a great city.

  18. I'm really glad you had a great break away in Seattle, and really sorry to hear you didn't get the Disney job :-( I really hope you get invited for an interview soon - I don't really know what to advise except to say keep sending out those CVs. I'm sure you'll find something eventually.

  19. Hey, thanks Afternoon Tea Break. I am too, it really helped. And I'm sorry too, but I won't let it keep me down. Even though working for Disney has always been a dream of mine, maybe where I am right now is just as good, the painting and writing I do now just as important as what I could have done at Disney. I don't know. I'm hoping it'll all make sense later.


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